Have you ever climbed into your bed and thought, "How was this morning still considered today?" Some days are just marathon days and some overnight sleeps actually feel like naps. I know you mamas know what I mean.
In 2013, I lived in a house in an unfavorable neighborhood, just me and my daughter. I ran a business out of my home that enabled me to be a stay-at-home-working-mom, and a full-time online college student. My list of responsibilities kept me in prayer that the Lord would multiply hours in a day so I could get everything done that I needed to. Sometimes it truly felt like He did. Some days it felt like I was drowning in all the "to-do's".
There were moments that loneliness and isolation cloaked me like a cold blanket. It was mostly at night, but it came in spurts. I was busy, but that didn't distract me from the ever-present reality that there wasn't another physical person who shared the weight of all that I was carrying. If I didn't "train my child in the way she should go," no one else would. If I didn't balance my checkbook, stability was at risk. If I didn't study, my grades would show it- and I'm climbing into debt for no reason. If I didn't clean, do laundry, cook, clean the dishes, tuck my little girl in, pray over my house, check the mail, take out the trash, pay bills on time, etc., it wasn't happening. Things just weren't allowed to fall off my radar. I would literally have to stop myself in the frenzy, sit down with coffee as if someone was meeting me there, and remind myself (and tell the Lord I remembered) the things He'd done for me and this family that He'd entrusted to me. In those moments, I reminded myself that in spite of my emotions, I had moments, big and small, that I got to see that I wasn't alone. I got to see the hand of God working in my life and the lives entrusted to me.
My child is happy, growing, healthy socially and emotionally, and being fed daily spiritually and physically. I have more weaknesses than anyone could put a number on, and my all-knowing God chooses to love me and pursue me for relationship still. Once a week, because that's how often I would forget, my trash cans would be miraculously pulled out to the street so I didn't miss trash day. (The aforementioned business I was running in my home was a preschool. You can imagine the travesty of one trash day missed. Yuck.) A car was provided for me to drive shortly after I wrecked mine. Time and time again, the Lord shows us that He is in control, and that He only wants our hearts. This was mercy in my mess, truly.
I got to experience and know the Lord in ways I feel are special to single motherhood. We get to see the Father's heart in a way that He's active and openly passionate about, the fatherless. Before Jesus left his disciples to be with the Father, he told them, "But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you]." (John 16:7) We get to be a personal witness to the life, resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ through the working of his Spirit in our lives, in our homes and in the lives of our children. This is a joy-generating reality.
If you feel like you're running a marathon every day, ask yourself, are you taking the time to witness what He's doing in your life and the lives of your children? He's busy working. It's a fair question to ask, "What are You doing? Who are You? Where can I find You right now?" if you'll listen to the answers and pay attention.
My life looks completely different than it did in 2013, and one of my prayers in 2016 is that God would train me to see Him better in the "here and now". I want to pay attention to what He's saying to me and doing around me. Whatever He's got going on, I want in. I want to live in the miraculous still. I want to be fully engaged to what He's got going on in my heart, in my home, with my children, in my friends' lives, in the Church. We were created for this! We are not in our circumstances, whatever they are, as a distraction from the miraculous. It is in those circumstances that we get to experience the miraculous when we put our trust and hope in the Lord.
My friend, as one mama to another, let's silence the lie that you're in this alone. My prayer for us today is that we would be aware and alert and asking the Lord to give us eyes to see!
I love you so much.