Sometimes the reality of my new life slaps me in the face like the midnight winter air through my window. The breeze is a rarity in this part of the world; with the windows open I stare back at the blackness and it stirs my soul, bringing a smile to my face.
This is not a moment of sorrow—it’s a wake-up call—a chance to remember that God, in His sweet grace, makes all things new.
On paper, my life looks like this: I am a divorced, single mother of two biracial boys, one of whom is adopted, who works full time in the high pressured sales world of corporate America.
Immediately following my divorce I was determined to be a strong, independent single mother and prove to the world that I was better than my tainted marriage. I sought the redemption I craved through financial success & achievement, but I crumbled under the pressure of trying to prove I was good enough. Praise God, that in His mercy, He rescued me from myself. He used years of a toxic marriage, infidelity and divorce to meticulously level my eyes to see Him again.
Of course, it wasn’t that easy.
From the day I met my ex-husband, I knew it. I knew in my heart before I ever married him. I fought it. I denied it. I rationalized and made excuses. I made deals with God. The Lord made it crystal clear to me. I saw his patterns and choices, but all I could feel was my deep, consuming insecurity. Seeing through the haze of my past pain, hurt, and abuse, I thought he was the best I could ever find. I couldn’t let him go. I would never find any man who would ever love me, accept me, and make a life with me. So I married him. While I was trying to create the “all-American” family, he had other plans, including years of unemployment, habitual betrayal and adultery, and habits I never imagined as a young girl dreaming of my prince charming and the sweet family that would be my future.
I knew in my heart I couldn’t do it anymore. The Lord told me it was time. He told me I was enough. What was meant to be a happily ever after, became a heartbreaking memory for me, and not much of a memory for my boys at all.
DESPERATE FOR A CHANGE
We have a new life, a refreshing, crisp life. We are genuinely happy and although it is not perfect by any means I appreciate every day, every opportunity, and every chance we have to grow. My soul shines bright, my smile is finally genuine and I know I made a step in the right direction to break the cycle…the cycle I swore I would never enter into and He promised would never be a part of our lives. I took a stand for myself and my boys. My prayer is that one day my boys will appreciate and realize that their mama stood up for herself and ultimately for them.
It is my hope that the broken cycle will allow them to love deeper, discern more wisely, and see past the destruction of divorce and to the true love that God has to offer.
The last few years have been challenging, but life changing for us with a new neighborhood, a new house, new schools, new friends, a new church and everything else new that comes with a divorce. I’ve attended BCF since day 1. The Lord knew exactly what we needed, a community to love us and accept us just as we were. No labels attached, no judgement, just the love of Jesus poured out on us. Overflow was yet another reminder that His love for me and my boys is far greater than I will ever imagine. Overflow continues to remind me that the only hope, peace & joy that will truly fill my soul comes from Him and Him alone. Every year, a day of encouragement, rejuvenation and refreshment fills me up and overflows from Him. The friendships and bonds created, and the love and prayers that are extended to me and my boys occur year-round. It’s the pure love of Jesus here on earth.
Life can be redeemed and God has redeemed my life… beyond anything than I could have ever imagined.
For that I am forever thankful!
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