Tracing Grace by Natalie Mott

This week Bayou City Fellowship hosted an event called Rise.  It is a night with Beth Moore and her fabulous teaching for the women of our church and our community.  We host 2-3 of these a year and it is a sweet night of teaching and sisterhood.  This past Tuesday Natalie Mott was asked to present her spoken word piece that she wrote for our Overflow conference.  It is powerful and if you weren't able to make the conference we wanted to share it with you here on the blog.   You can find out more information on future Rise events at bayoucityfellowship.com.

Tracing Grace by Natalie Mott

Lately, I have been staring in the mirror and the image I see is a shell of what I used to be.

I don’t know who I am, but I can quickly recall the awful things that have happened.

My life has been shattered by disappointment, and parts of me have been put down by others and added to my heart’s debris.

I can’t seem to untangle the lies in my mind that allow me to believe that something is wrong with me.

Some days I wonder if this bitterness will ever turn into forgiveness.

God, I have heard that you are good, but this doesn’t feel good.

My soul is suffocated with fear and regret.

I try to move forward, but I feel so displaced; I feel as though I have no hope left.

I have been stripped of my joy, my peace, my identity.

I wear a mask on the outside, while hollow on the inside

I am a shell of who I used to be.

Friends and family talk about how much they admire me; but they don’t know the mess I am managing and how it is slowly destroying me.

Depression is chasing me;

It has devoured my strength, and it’s breaking down my best defense.

I can't pray or sleep.

There are even times I eat a lot and times I don't eat enough.

I have taken a bite of bitterness, but there is something that won't allow me to digest this.

I try to stop and remember that you are God and I am not,

But my heart needs encouragement; my faith needs nurturing; and my soul needs comfort.

I don’t know how I stumbled down this road, but God will you please tell me how far I have left to go?

Starting today, I lay my secrets at your feet...here they are Lord scattered in a thousand pieces.

I feel alone, misunderstood, empty and ashamed.

Will you help me trace your grace in my life?

Will you uncover the lies and help me know the truth?

I know you see every scar; the physical and the invisible.

I know that you are not keeping any good things from me, but you are keeping me!

I know that you will redeem my pain and my hurt and use it for a greater work!

I am tired of lingering in what I have lost.

Breathe on me until my spirit is resuscitated, and I embrace what was done for me on the cross.

Surely if you were raised from death to life, you can make all of my wrongs, right.

I will believe this until your truth speaks louder than my thoughts.

Your Spirit will give me hope and…

Break the chains of this depression.

Release the shackles from this heart that is filled with unforgiveness.

Remind me that although others rejected me, you redeemed me and that exceeds everything!

I don’t have to worry about my clock ticking, my age, my size or something else that might be missing.

You are the author of time and although you will not press rewind… you will restore.

You will fix what’s broken in me.

You will mend what has been shattered.

You will not forsake me in my weakness.

You will give me and my children victory in spite of every tragedy.

Thank you for your word Lord; it is where I will go to discover my worth.

I am no longer a shell, but I am a vessel that holds your good treasure.

As I pour out, you pour in.

I will get away from my mirror,

And come to you on bended knees, where you will show me what you’ve longed for me to see…Your image staring back at me.

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